“Adulting today”

What a trite phrase.

Creating the illusion that, having to be an adult—to exist, earn a wage, be responsible and accountable—is so far removed from your day-to-day that having to actually participate in it is on the same scale as Halloween is, altogether, gross.

Or worse: that it’s not an illusion at all and you’re taking the opportunity to rub it in our faces under the guise that it’s cute.

Yuck.

Traffic, bills, booze to numb the pain, parking, groceries, and so on… you wouldn’t know anything about it

Punch in, punch out, long ass days that don’t end when the sun goes down… you couldn’t even survive out here in this W2 jungle

How fun it must be to play pretend. To dip your toes into the world and maintain the ability to retract them when the water gets too hot.

I’d much rather spend my Sunday mornings in your Land of Makebelieve… sipping cappuccinos, nibbling on gluten-free, protein-packed, meal-prepped, almond-flour-whateverthefucks …over sitting at my table clipping coupons… adulting.

Stay home. You’re not even cut out to fake it.