In 1965 Bob Dylan asked us “How does it feel” to be on our own. Whether you’re blessed enough to still have parents/guardians in your life or not, at some point in your adulthood you eventually need to leave the safety of the nest and fly out here, into the world, and be on your own. As kids, we always thought about how we couldn’t wait to be grown. We always imagined our life after we left the nest. Some of us kept close to the path and have gone on to have a life pretty close to the one that they imagined all those years ago, and others have gone on to have lives that we couldn’t have imagined. But I think the majority of us are a combination of the two—we kept close to the path so that nothing too unexpected happened, but also so close that nothing unexpectedly extraordinary happened either. Coming from a small town in South Western Pennsylvania, I know all kinds. Whatever direction that the winds of fate have blown you in, at this point, you’re out here on your own. You’re carving out a life the best way that you know how and every month you’re doing what’s necessary to not only make ends meet, but also keep your sanity. How does it feel?
Being the “man of the house” has its advantages and disadvantages. Obviously, the goal is to have the advantages outweigh the disadvantages so much that the disadvantages are almost insignificant. More obviously, that lifestyle is something most of us struggle to attain. One can argue that it is simply a matter of perspective. In Letter 2: On Discursiveness in Reading Seneca says:
‘It is not the man who has too little, but the man who craves more, that is poor.’ Letter 2: On Discursiveness in Reading
Seneca 4 BC - 65 AD
An interesting take, for sure. (If you disagree that it’s not interesting, then you’re doing yourself a wild disservice by not reading enough.) While Seneca’s philosophies on matters are still applicable today (as well as many other philosophers), ask anyone with a philosophy degree how well it’s paying the bills. Being the man of the house is about more than having a good head on your shoulders, it’s also—and perhaps more importantly—about being a man of action. It’s about being the man; and not in that cheesy 90’s way of “he’s the man,” no, all of our lives we’ve presumed that someone is going to take care of something. Be that guy, be that man. Be the man.
A lot of life happens outside of the walls of your home, but the majority of the life that happens inside of those walls is the life that matters the most. Taking care of what you have stretches beyond home repairs, improvements, and upgrades. It’s more than important—it’s vital—to be the captain of your ship. If you’re blessed enough to live with people that love you, then it is paramount to be the man.
Having discourse on the matter with a few friends, one of them said that “if things fall apart, then I am the safety net. If there is a problem, then I am the problem solver. When my family is emotionally distraught it’s my job to bring us back to the norm. I’m not ahead of my wife, but I am always near by and strong enough to catch her if she falls.” It’s really hard to top that position on the matter. (Shout out and thank you to that guy. You know who you are.)
It is not enough to hold down a job to provide a source of income ‘to pay for all of this'. Our society has evolved past that mentality. We have to be “the man” and the captain of the ship. We have to be responsible, and accountable, for the life within our walls; and how we respond to the things in life that happen beyond our walls. But it’s what happens within our walls that we have complete control over. Most of the time, at the end of the day, we all want to give up and have that beer on the couch and call it a day. But our duty doesn’t stop when the work day is over. We must be the man of the house. We cannot rest until our due diligence for the day is done; and, in most cases, that due diligence is being that safety net—making sure that everything inside of our walls is the way it’s supposed to be, the best we can, as best as possible. But the key to all of that is trying; making the effort. Your home and your family are the most valuable assets a man can have, they’re also your biggest liabilities. We have to take care of what we have to make sure when we ask ourselves how does it feel that our response is always: “good.”
